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Posts Tagged ‘listening for God’

wondering

One of my greatest flaws is caring too much what other people think of me, especially friends. Specifically, I have a few friends have a great deal of sway in my life, regardless of rhyme, reason or how emotionally healthy it is (or isn’t). One of said friends broke off communication with me this spring in regards to my personal and emotional issues. I can’t say I blame them, honestly. Sometimes I’m a writhing mass of intense and strange feelings that I can’t manage, let alone someone else. I can’t say I was particularly happy about. In fact, I was down right crushed. To be honest, I still am, somewhat.

She finds fault in how I need words of affirmation. I as much as I try to cope with this, it’s impossible for me. I need something, anything to tell me someone has some sort of affection for me in return. Often, I feel like I give a great deal to some my friendships and receive little back. Could it be too much to ask for someone to say something positive to assure me that I am wanted? Or is that only feeding my need for acceptance from others?
I have this same problem with my relationship with God. I feel like He’s silent far more than He is a roll of thunder. I know this means I need to readjust my antenna, that God is broadcasting on a frequency that I am not tuned into. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to do that. I’m probably too busy waiting for a friend to assure me that I have worth to them.

God speaks in so many different ways to us, but most commonly, I always pick up the frequencies found in the Bible and in nature. However, in winter, I rarely find God’s majesty and love in muddy grass, gray clouds and short days. So I only have the Bible to search for God’s words of affirmation to me. Even now, as I use convenient websites to help me locate a verse that pertains to my situation, I can find nothing.

It is my prayer everyday that God will show me, and the entire world, how much he loves us. I miss Him when I can’t hear it.

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